Perfectionism And Recording Struggles

SPEAKER_00 0:00

G'day everybody, my name is Elliot Waters, and you're listening to the DISS Regulator Podcast. As always, thank you for tuning in. All right, far out. Seriously, sometimes I just get so frustrated with myself and how I operate. Like today's a classic example. All right, so I'm sitting in my car. Um, I've just got back to Wadonga, Victoria, um, and I'm going to talk about that briefly in a minute, um, where I'm now living. So I've come back after the Easter long weekend from Newcastle, driven from Newcastle to uh Wadonga about eight, eight and a half hours, and pretty much the whole drive, I've been trying to do this episode that I'm going to do for you right now. Okay. And I've just gone around in circles, around and around and around and done these massive long-winded episodes, which to be honest, are probably pretty good and insightful and revealing and explain what I want to talk about. Um, but every time I get to like towards the end, yeah, they're going for like 40, 50 minutes an hour. I just delete it without even thinking, nah, don't like it gone. And I've done this for hours and hours, and I finally got back to Wadonga Victoria, and I'm just absolutely cooked because I've just been trying to do this episode for all day, plus the driving and everything else that's going on. Like I'm just, I hate it how this happens, how I do this, you know. You've heard me say it before on this show a lot, and unfortunately it's something I'm still not all over, which is, you know, sometimes maybe just do the draft, because this is the whole deal with the show, briefly. Um, this is, you know, my commitment to you is to make this as genuine, raw, real, honest, I don't know, fair income, the most insightful podcast on lived experience of mental ill health. You know, my my promise is to do what I can to make that a reality, all right? Um, so part of that is that this episode, uh sorry, this podcast, this episode as well, um, but you know, it's got to be all those things. Raw, genuine, honest, all that sort of stuff. I don't do fancy editing, you know, I don't prepare all this great stuff for the episode. You know, I just go with it. I just tell it like it is, like I experience it, how I hear other people's experience it, you know, I try to be an aggregate of all of our lived experience, I suppose. And, you know, that's the whole thing though. I've got to keep reminding myself this, that the expectation, I'm sure, of you guys, my amazing listeners, thank you for listening. The expectation isn't some glitzy, glamorous, perfect podcast, because I've never for one moment given the impression that, first off, that I'm capable of sitting down editing for that long. And secondly, that, you know, that's not what this show's about. This show is about being as raw and as real as possible. And that includes me and being as raw and real as possible, and you know, me talking around in circles and forgetting what I'm trying to say because my ADHD gets in the way. And, you know, I think people actually like that. People enjoy hearing, I'm sort of talking to myself here, just hang on, everyone, or just let me talk to myself in the corner, then I'll come back. But you know, people seem to enjoy the fact that I am able to do these episodes, but you know, show this side that, you know, if I'm forget things because my attention has drifted, which I must admit it's doing a little bit now, people like to hear that because it's like, yeah, I get that too, I feel that as well, or you know, whatever. I can relate to that in some way. So I don't know why I get so obsessed with this idea that, oh, this episode's got to be perfect. Like, no one wants perfection on this show. That's the whole deal. This show ain't about perfection. Um, and sometimes I need to just be like, come on, Elliot, come on, remember what the show's about, what the fundamentals or the or the foundational morals and ethics of this show's about. This is to be, like I said, as genuine, as raw as it can be. And part of that is me to show these, you know, this side of me as well. Don't get me wrong, it's got to be controlled to the point that you guys listening need to be entertained somewhat. I need to be able to come up with a message that does make sense to people and is interesting, you know, obviously. And I need to be able to convey a message in a way that is, you know, digestible for people. So I can't be completely all over the shop, or else people are like, what on earth is he talking about? But yes, I just want to give a bit of insight just into the recording process once again of what happens. So yeah, all day I've been trying to record this episode, and all day, over and over and over again, I've just just recorded, delete, recorded, delete. And I'll be honest with you, it's made today really quite difficult. Today has sucked, and I'm, you know, I'm just sort of pissed off that I've fallen into this trap again. And it's hard because I do this because I do care about this show, and I want it, I want to be able to come up with a message for people that does hit home and and does provide insights. And I know the responsibilities, you know, I feel, you know, the responsibility I feel for being able to have people listen to me talk about mental health, you know, like that's not something I take for granted. But at the same time, I think we would all agree, Elliot. I'm talking to you separately again, it's better to come up with something than to not come up with anything at all. So there you go. All right, now, moving on very quickly, I want to make this short and sweet. So I've had a few people reach out to me recently and go, Elliot, what's going on? Um, you know, you're into the mental health stuff, we we get that, but all of a sudden you've upgraded your license to being able to drive semi-trailers and B double, you know, trucks and multi-combination licenses. And now you've started working for a transport company in in Victoria, eight hours away from Newcastle. Like, what's going on? Have you given up on the mental health stuff? What's with this truck and stuff? So, very briefly, and I'm gonna try and make this brief because I need to go to bed. Very briefly, um, many years ago now, um, before this podcast was a thing, even before then, um, I used to be obsessed with highways and transport. Okay, highways and transport was my thing. It was my autistic fixation. Like trains, for example, were probably my first love, which makes no, you know, which isn't a shock being autistic, but highways and trucks and the transport industry, big time, all right, especially the road transport industry. And for many years I did work in the road transport industry. Um, you know, I was on a forklift, I was sorting freight by hand. I was, I lived in, you know, worked for a transport company in Newcastle, Tamworth, and Sydney. I did a lot of different things, worked in the office, um, you know, uh, even drove little trucks for a bit doing deliveries and stuff. I did a fair bit. Um, but then I left the industry because uh my anxiety essentially got too much, and I was, I don't know, I got scared of the industry maybe, and then I thought, oh, I'll just go into the mental health side of things, which I was also still doing at that point. This was before I did my degree. Um, but I've been doing the volunteer stuff in mental health for just as long, um, for 13, 14 years, I think, with Black Dog this year, maybe it's even 15 years, I've got to check that. Um, so for a long time there, I was working in the transport industry, which I loved, but I was also doing this volunteer mental health stuff on the side, which I also loved. And then down the track, I decided the transport industry, I don't know what brought it on. There'll be, I'll do an episode that will go into this in more detail, but something about the industry scared me off it and I got away from it. And I've decided to focus on uh focus on mental health. That's when I decided to go to university, did my psychology degree, did honours, my thesis, um, and all that sort of stuff. But the whole time it's just been eating away at me that I've had or I've got unfinished business in the transport industry. Because let me tell you, I might have tried to extinguish my love of transport and road transport in particular, but I was never able to do it. And I knew this. Um, and eventually, and I'll talk more about this in another episode as well, but my anxiety shifted, and I've been able to use my anxiety to push me back into the industry, although I'm petrified every day. I'm freaking out. But I'm back in the transport industry, which is great because I've got, like I said, I've got unfinished business, all right? Um, you know, I've always had heroes from the industry, highway heroes that I've wanted to emulate. I wanted to be, you know, one of those top operators that is just an expert of what they do. They're hard, they're dependable, they're, you know, just brilliant, you know, and there's so many people, so many, you know, like mentors and stuff I have from the industry that I want to try and emulate. I want to be like them. Um, so it's really, it's it's it's great that I'm back in the industry, although it's making me really, really anxious, as I'll talk about down the road. Um, but it's great on one hand because now I'm back to doing what I love, which is working in road transport and driving trucks, but not just that, you know, tying off loads, being on forklift, doing all that sort of stuff, being in the grind that is transport and logistics. Um, and I'm now at a transport company too, that um there is so much to learn because it's a real truck and company, trust me. Like I'm doing it properly this time and it's awesome as petrified as I am, you know, but I just got to focus on the goal at hand, and that is to become the best transport operator I can be. But this is the thing, right? This is the thing. The mental health thing hasn't gone away. So what I've tried to do, what I've tried to figure out is a way to bring these two fixations of mind together. Okay, mental health, advocacy, research, psychology, and transport, logistics, and all that's involved there. Now, unfortunately, the road, well, it's not just the road transport industry. Um, well, okay, so there was some statistics released last year by the Australian Bureau of Statistics, some data around mental health outcomes and well-being outcomes in the 14 main industries in Australia. Okay, so they're ranked one to 14. Um, you know, the the mentally healthiest, you could say, with the best well-being outcomes, number one, and then the industry that um is struggling the most at number 14, obviously makes sense. Now, no surprise to me, number 14 was transport and logistics. Um, there's many different reasons for that, I believe. Um, some of which I think I have a bit of a handle on already, but there's more I think to be uncovered. Um, and I certainly have my own views on how that can all be done and how people, such as maybe myself, can enact change in the industry to try and improve those outcomes. Because remember, a lot of researchers um forget this, but I don't because I've got a lived experience of mental ill health and I've got a lived experience of the transport industry, of which I'm getting a heap more experience now, which is great. But have I mentioned I'm anxious? Anyway, but the thing is, you know, a lot of researchers, I'm not throwing shade at anyone in particular here, but you know, a lot of researchers will look at data and they'll just see data. You know, I look at data often and see people, or I think about the people that are behind the data. So I read data like this and I think, man, transport logistics. Now, this is before I got back into it, but this is a big part of why I am, because I'm like, yeah, you know, I understand a bit of what's going on because I've lived the life, not till it's full extent, but enough that I've spoken to experienced hardened transport men and women, and I've heard their stories, and I know how difficult it is, and I've experienced some of it myself firsthand in my own roles. Um, I've got a bit of an idea of what's going on in the industry, and um, maybe if I get a bit more experience and get more insights from those who are going through it right here, right now, and that's truck drivers, forky operators, night shift workers, people in ops, etc., maybe I'll be able to, I guess, collate a lot of these insights and experiences from people and use my, I don't know, my ability to talk to people about mental health, and then try and use that with my transport experience to try and come up with a bit of an idea of what's going on in the industry, why the outcomes and the metrics are telling such a bad picture. Um, so figure out what's going on and then try to maybe even come up with some ways to try and fix things, or not even fix things, but just improve things for people. All right. And that's where I'm gonna try and come up with some ideas, all right? Because this is the thing. I don't want to blow my own trumpet too much and pump up my own ties, but this is the story. All right. I have a lived experience, a very hard-earned, well-earned, lived experience of living with mental ill health, okay? Even today, great example. My anxiety's been through the roof and my obsession with doing this episode over and over again, like it's just anyway, you know, I'm living it still, okay? Um, the other lived experience I have is of the transport industry itself, because I worked in transport and now I'm back in the industry, right? Doing it the real hard yards, right? From the bottom, from the ground up. Okay. I'm not jumping in in like a management position, like I'm in the yard, I'm on the forklift, I'm strapping loads by hand, I'm crawling under trailers, I'm doing dogs and chains. Like I'm not cutting in here. This is, I'm doing it properly and I'm doing it all of it, you know. And I want to get the complete experience as much as I can because I want to be the best operator I can be, so I'm proud of myself and my abilities. And also because by doing this, this is how I'll get insights into the industry that maybe others won't be able to get. Okay. So because I will have lived it and I will have worked alongside at the coal face with people who live it and had those conversations and learnt from other people who have so much experience. Um, so you know, that's a big part of it. So, yes, I'm back into trucking because I want to be a good trucker, right? But also because I want to understand and be a part of the industry as much as I can, because I think only that way, in that way, using that experience, that knowledge, and that basis, I think that's the only way to really cut across and be able to create some sort of change in the industry to help people live mentally healthier lives. You know what I mean? Um, and this is the thing, right? Not only do I have the lived experience of the industry, which I'm now, you know, growing upon and making even stronger, you know, my case there, but I've got the lived experience of mental health, and you know, we every day I'm adding to that too. And then I've got the lived experience, I guess, of both together, which is unreal, but also has been so difficult. But, you know, try and be positive, it's allowed me to understand and see things in the industry that maybe some others aren't able to if they haven't had the same experiences. So in many ways, I'm I'm quite lucky, even though it's been bloody difficult. But anyway, so I've got a lived experience of that. But also, I am a researcher in men's mental health, and I've done, you know, I've got an honours degree in psychology, and I've got big plans to do bigger research projects down the road, potentially involving the road transport industry. So that is another unique element, I guess, that I bring to this the table, you know, um, because not only is there the lived experience of all the stuff that I've mentioned, but I'm actually a bit of a researcher as well. So not only am I able to hopefully be able to, well, relate to people and I've experienced it firsthand. So, you know, there's a lot of hard-earned um knowledge and insights there that maybe others haven't been able to get those insights. Um, a lot of other people can too, but I think another thing that I guess I bring to the table that makes me unique is that I'm a researcher. Um, so there's not, let me tell you right now, I haven't come across many people in the industry who are like legitimate about being happy to get their hands dirty and crawl under trailers and tie up dogs and chains and deal with like the hardest freight and then drive big ours and you know, all of that stuff, the real, you know, the real like the coalface of the industry, but also have degrees in psychology and uh researchers in psychology. Like I was look I was looking at my hands the other day, covered in grime and dirt, and I've got calluses, and I've got cuts and I was bleeding and stuff, and I was thinking there's not many psychology honours graduates and psychology researchers who have hands like these. And, you know, I don't think I'm well, I don't think I'm overstating it when I say that, but I haven't come across anyone else that brings all that together. Um, which I think is an advantage, I guess, that I may have over um other efforts that have been made in the industry to try and bring about some change. Um now I'm gonna try and keep this short and quick because I tell you, I'm I've been talking about this stuff all day, and there's gonna be opportunities down the road for other episodes to really go into detail what I'm trying to achieve, how I think I can do it, um, some of the methods I'm gonna use, and maybe some of my opinions on what's been done in the industry so far, etc. But I will say this um that like I said, I I don't I haven't met anybody and I don't know of anybody who's in the who's real like literally changing gears in the industry like mate. You should see me trying to figure out this Road Ranger gearbox, unbelievable. Um but I haven't met many people who are literally doing that, learning it from the ground up again, um, that are also researchers in in psychology uh and who want to do things in the industry to try and, you know, maybe improve the mental health of the industry and the people in it. I haven't come across anyone who is putting all the dots together that I am. All right, I'll say that right now. Okay. I don't know of any other person who brings to the table what I do. Um and then I guess the other the fourth element, so lived experience of mental health, of transport, then being a researcher and having the backing, hopefully, of the University of Newcastle and the other institutes I do work with. But also the last thing, well, not the last thing, there's so much more, but yeah, the the other big thing I think that I bring and hopefully can leverage to help out the industry is that I do have a bit of a platform as well. Um, when this is part of it. This podcast is part of this platform, I guess I'm growing. Um, and it is through this platform that I hope, along with all the other things that I've mentioned, to be able to tie all this together than come up with a way to help people, all right? And another thing that I think is in my favour, I guess, is that, you know, like I said, in future episodes, I'm gonna talk about some of the initiatives and the efforts that are being made in the industry already and my opinions on how that is all going and maybe the way in which that these other entities are going about it, and my thoughts on that, and why I think the way I want to do things is uh the the best way and he's gonna work. Um, but you know, a big part of what I do is that, well, that's the most fundamental thing that I the reason I do all this is is because I just don't want people going through stuff they don't have to, and if they are going through stuff, well, I want to try and make it easier for them, you know, and and the general, I guess, not rule of rule, but the I guess guiding principle that I've always had with all the mental health work that I've done is that um, you know, I do all this stuff because I don't want people to feel the way that I have over the years, you know what I mean? Uh and still do. I I don't want people to feel that range of negative emotion because I know how bad it can be, and it it kills me knowing that I at times feel and have previously often felt certain things, and it breaks my heart to think that there's other people that are going through similar things, you know. Um, this idea of bad things happening to good people, you know, I'm obsessed with this and I can't let it go. And and that's partly what drives what I do, because I don't want bad feelings um being put onto good people. And that's what, you know, depression and anxiety and then all the rest of them, that's what they are, you know, negative bad feelings put on people. Then thoughts and cognitions and behaviors, all the rest of it, you know, but I don't want people feeling like that. And if I can do anything to help people not feel like that and use my own experiences to understand maybe the situation and then come up with some ideas to try and help, you know, that's my meaning and purpose, or a big part of it right there. And the thing is, in the transport industry, I want to do something similar, okay? Because the transport industry is full of great people, hardened warriors, you know, my highway heroes. But I've also learned over the years that even my highway heroes are just like the rest of us. We're all human and we're all going through something, you know? And some of the battles that some of these hardened men and women of the industry are going through, you know, it's just, it's terrible. And the take that, you know, they have to carry that mental load out on the road and all the responsibilities that come with the nature of the job in the industry and all the demands that the industry puts on you, even before we're talking mental health or anything like that. Like, you know, I know from my own experiences, but also from the people that I've spoken to in the industry and the privilege and the honour I've I've had of hearing some of my highway heroes' stories and what they actually are going through when you peel it all back. You know, it's like, man, they're everyone in this industry are hurting just like everyone else. This is unbelievable. Because for a lot a while there, I thought transport was different, you know, but I know, and I'll talk more. About this down the road, that you know, the transport industry is unique in many ways, and it does bring about some pretty tough people, or else you can't really survive, you know. You don't make it in the industry unless you're made of the right stuff. But that doesn't mean that people aren't hurting, aren't feeling, aren't bringing, you know, things from home out on the road or a sorting freight in the middle of the night and their minds are on other things, you know, like, you know, it's all about humans at the end of the day. These supply chains, it's all humans. The data that you read, it's all humans at the end of the day, and transport is no different. So it is my clear goal to now that I'm back in the transport industry, to learn as much about the industry that I can from, you know, and build on the experiences I've already got previously, but now really doing it properly and become the best operator that I can be, understand the industry as much as I can, try and get as many insights from my own experiences in the industry, but also those people I'm working with and fellow, hopefully, interstate truckies or fellow forkies or fellow freight sorters, fellow people in ops, whatever, try and hear people's stories and try and understand what it is about the transport industry that is so difficult. What can be done to ease the mental, you know, the mental loads, the mental distress that so many are experiencing. What can be done? Um, and and how do we go about maybe doing this and and doing it in a way that that will work? And the only way I can see that happening is if it's all driven and informed, all these things that maybe I'd like to start to do, it's all got to be informed by the industry and not by the big players in the industry. I'm saying the drivers, the forkies, the yard crew, the ops teams at the depots, etc. Right? That's how I think the industry will improve the mental health of its of its workers, of all of us in the industry. And then, you know, we won't find that the transport logistics industry comes 14th out of 14th, you know, um, out of Australian industries when it comes to mental health. Like that there says to me, man, you know, there's some big opportunities here, but when I say opportunities, that's not financial or anything. This is opportunities to improve people's lives. That's what this is about. And it's the biggest responsibility there can be. So people ask, Elliot, what are you doing? What's all this fascination with transport all of a sudden? Well, the first thing I'd say about that is this isn't new. This is Elliot circling back to a way of life that I should never have let go of. And I'll talk more about that down the track. And other people or the same people, other people have questioned Elliot, are you giving up a bit on this mental health thing? Are you pivoting away from it? And let me tell you, no, that is not true at all. When it comes to the general broader community sort of stuff that I'm trying to do in mental health, that's the same. If not, I want to put more energies towards it. But now I'm also incorporating this more defined lens, which is focused on the road transport industry. Um, because I feel as though, with my skill set, you could say, with my, I don't know, research acumen, with my hard-earned lived experience of the industry and of mental ill health, I think I'm uniquely, um uniquely positioned to be able to offer insights and maybe come up with ways in which to do things differently to help people in the industry. I think maybe I have different pieces of the puzzle that maybe, I don't know, I haven't come across anyone else who seems to be able to bring it all together like I can. But in order for this to work, though, I need to be a great transport operator. And I'm gonna talk more about that in future episodes when I lay out the blueprint. But I just want to explain quickly-ish, quickly-ish in this episode what's going on. All right, so that's the plan, right? So I'm back in the transport industry where I should always have been. Um yes, I'm definitely getting amongst it big time, like an all tic stick fixation because it is, and I'm now circling back to it, which is great because I should have always been doing it. And I want to be a great operator, but I want to do it properly. Am I freaking out? 100%, but still, this is the right thing. But the other thing is I am now trying, and we're gonna talk more about this down the track too, down the road. I'm now trying to combine these two passions and obsessions of mine, mental health and transport, right? I'm trying to combine them so I can make some efforts in the road transport industry to help people because there's so many people in the industry, it appears, according to the data, that are struggling with their mental health. And I know as someone who is one of those people, um, you know, I'm very passionate about trying to help people as much as I can. And like I said, I think I'm uniquely poised because of the array of, I guess, skills and experience that I bring to the table. All right. So that's the plan. So the mental health stuff independent of transport, 100%, all systems go. Mental health stuff in the transport industry, 100% all systems go. But there is going to be a process involved. I don't want to be jumping too quick into that. But I am well and truly on the highway towards making that all happen, which is great. And then road transport independent of mental health, yes, I'm back into it as well because I want to be a good transport operator. And I want to be like, yep, I am, I am a rock solid operator. I'm an inner state or whatever. I am, you know, I am one of the top dogs. All right. So that's the story. Um, but just to finish up, I did mention, I think, financials earlier. Um, let me just finish up on this point because I want to make it clear, first off, this isn't me asking for money, okay? But I want to, you know, this is gonna be one of those, this is gonna be difficult. This whole thing is gonna be hard because I've got no money, right? I don't have any financial backers I never have. I've never had any financial donors or backers. I've never asked for it either, by the way. Um, but every single thing I've done in mental health, um, or 90, let's say 99% of everything I've done in mental health, and I'm not overstating this, um, has been for free, or I've been losing money on it, you know, and I don't mind, you know. I've been a volunteer for 13, 14 years or whatever, um, and done so much stuff in mental health that I would never ever trade up for the world. It's been amazing. But there's no two ways about it. You know, I don't do this stuff to earn any money. And what I'm saying is, again, I'm not asking for money. What I'm saying is that my motivations here are pure, I guess. You know, I'm just trying to do what I can with the experience that I've got and the and the knowledge and the, I guess, skills as well that I've earned over the years. I'm just trying to help people not feel as garbage as I have felt over the years. You know what I mean? Um, so I want to make that clear that there is no financial incentive to this. You know, all of this stuff cost me money. Um uh the the podcast, for example, I can't remember if I've already said this in this episode because I've been talking so much today, my God. But the podcast was down for about, I think it was like 12 hours yesterday because I hadn't paid um the bill, the invoice for the hosting, um, which with some financial you know massaging, I was able to get it done. But that's the thing, you know, like, you know, like that's that happens quite a bit actually around this time. Um, because yeah, all this, all this mental health stuff is, I don't know, I just do it because I feel like I owe it to people to do it because, you know, I I guess I feel I have a responsibility because I have a voice where so many other people feel as though they don't. So I feel like, you know, I need to make something of that. But yeah, make no mistake, you know, the this stuff is isn't done for any financial gain whatsoever. And that's gonna be a bit of a theme moving forward, I think, and how I would like to distinguish in some ways what I do versus some other efforts maybe that are being made in the industry and more broadly. Um, but I just want to say that. Um, and that's all really I want to say. Don't get me wrong, if anyone wants to sponsor the show, like by all means let me know. Um, because it'd be great to be able to pay these these bills um without having to worry about doing some financial massaging. But yeah, I I just want to make that point clear. Um, because yeah, I've been doing this mental health stuff, this podcast for a long time, and a lot of the stuff I've been doing. Um and yeah, I'm doing it for the most pure of reasons. Uh, you know, I just don't want people to feel like I know I've felt like. Um, and if I can help people not feel as rubbish as I've felt at times, um, you know, that's pretty good. And the fact that I seem to be able to come up with a message that resonates, you know, to me, that tells me I've got a responsibility because I've got a voice in this space, I suppose. So I have a responsibility to use it to the best of my abilities, I suppose, whatever that may be, I don't know. Um, and and try and help people because I've also been very privileged and honored to hear a lot of people's stories of their own lived experience, and that certainly is not, again, a privilege or an honor that I take for granted. And I try to be an aggregate, I guess, of everybody's lived experience that I've heard of and listened to and of my own. And again, there's a responsibility there hearing people's stories and being trusted with people's stories. You know, you can't just, you know, ignore that. I well, I can't. I can't do that. So, yeah, so there you go. So that's my that's my plan moving forward. Okay, I want to try and leverage my lived experience in transport, my lived experience of mental ill health, both of those together, my research acumen, and also the platform that I'm building to try and come up with some ideas, to come up with some plans to help um people in the transport industry with their mental health. Um, but it's it's more than that. Like I said, I'm I'm still committed to the stuff I'm doing more broadly across the community. Um, that's I'm as committed to that as ever. Um, and um I and yeah, and truth be told, I'm also back in the transport industry because I want to be a good truckie, you know, I want to be a great operator, I always have, and I'll talk more about this soon. But I've been able to get over one fear, I must admit, by using another fear, and now I'm back in the industry doing what I should have always been doing. So there you go, unreal. All right, hopefully this one is actually going to get posted because um I've got to get home. I'm in Wadonga, all right. I've just been driving around aimlessly, well, not aimlessly because I've been doing this episode, but I'm absolutely cooked. I need to go back, go to bed because I've got an early start tomorrow, because I'm back into it, back into the big rigs, um, and learning the industry from the ground up. And as as you know, as as much as I am petrified and freaking out, let me tell you, it is awesome. It is great to be back doing it and just getting in there and just getting the freight going. I love it. I love the supply chain. Anyway, all right, thanks everyone. I will talk more about all this stuff I spoke about here today in more depth down the road, because there is a lot more to this than I've probably said, but at the same time, I don't want to overwhelm everybody. And let me tell you, I'm bloody overwhelmed right now and I need to go to sleep. All right, thanks for listening, everyone, and I'll talk to you soon here on the disc. Oh man. What is it? The disregulated. That's me today, the dysregulated podcast. See ya.