The Dysregulated Podcast
Follow my journey through the chaos of mental illness and the hard-fought lessons learned along the way.
Lived experience is at the heart of this podcast — every episode told through my own lens, with raw honesty and zero filter.
This is a genuine and vulnerable account of how multiple psychological disorders have shaped my past and continue to influence my future.
The Dysregulated Podcast
Mental Health in Limbo: Trying to Force the Issue
Elliot explores the challenges of being stuck in a "mental health holding pattern", while waiting for professional guidance on medication changes.
• Recounting a recent visit to Mater Hospital seeking help to reset medication and establish a new baseline
• Attempting to reduce Seroquel dosage independently, resulting in disrupted sleep patterns during a week of early starts
• Using State of Origin football as a crucial psychological anchor during a difficult period
• Experiencing increasing anxiety about the future due to feeling a lack of control over treatment direction
• Feeling the early signs of depression returning as the waiting period continues
• Preview of an upcoming detailed episode reviewing hospital discharge papers and future treatment implications
For anyone experiencing similar struggles with mental health treatment limbo, remember that finding small anchors to look forward to can help break up difficult weeks while waiting for professional support.
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Follow my journey living with mental illness and the hard-fought lessons learned along the way. Lived experience is the driving force of this podcast, and through this lens, my stories are told.
This is a raw, honest, and authentic account of how multiple psychological disorders have shaped my past and continue to influence my future.
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You can follow me on Instagram: @elliot.t.waters
G'day everybody. My name is Elliot Waters and you're listening to the Dysregulator podcast. As always, thank you for tuning in. So the last episode you heard from me, which was a little bit ago now, although time travels so quickly, especially when you're constantly anxious 24-7. But the last episode was me out the front of the Mater Hospital essentially telling you that I was there to beg for some sort of help to get off these medications and have a reset and see how things are really traveling and then to go again from some sort of new baseline. I think that's sort of what that episode was about. As per usual, I have not listened to it back because I cannot stand listening to my own voice and also the fact that it came from quite this I don't know high intensive period of my sort of you know my psyche. At that point there were a lot of motions going, there was a lot going on. I don't particularly, I don't remember particularly well that night because adrenaline's pumping and you know you sort of try to repress these negative things. So I'm not exactly sure what I was talking about, but I'm sure I was banging on about something to do with getting off medication, some sort of reset to a baseline and then going again. Some sort of help from somebody would be great. Did I get the help that I was after? Not quite, although, as we'll see in the next discharge papers when I do that episode sooner rather than later, it was quite in depth, quite intensive, and the psychiatrist up there listened to what I had to say and had some good things to say back to me too, which was pretty cool. So that's the most important thing on that front. But the most important thing really is that tonight is state of origin, new South Wales taking on Queensland in the first state. No, this hasn't turned into a sports podcast all of a sudden, but in saying that, we know how important rugby league is and football is to my psyche, let alone my fellow New South Welshman on the day like today which is state origin game one against our old foes, queensland. So it should be good. And it's going to be good because I've needed something this week to look forward to, because this week I'm on the 5 AMs again.
Speaker 1:Sleep has been pretty rough because I'm trying to not have as much Seroquel as maybe I would have previously, because I'm trying to get off that medication Rest, potentially, to see how we go. That's that baseline I'm talking about. So I've sort of tried a few little things myself. So I haven't been having as much cerical, but my sleep's been a bit iffy as a result, which is not good when you've got 5 am Staring down the barrel of a week of 5 am starts. You don't want iffy sleep, especially if you have mental health concerns, such as myself. But it's been a very anxious week because of the and there's been a bit going on. So this week's been pretty hard again, um, which again is why there's not heaps and heaps of episodes flowing at the moment, because things are sort of, you know, sort of under wraps a little bit because things have been a bit hard um.
Speaker 1:But you need something to look forward to. You need something to break up the working week and for me and many other New South Welshmen it is state of origin football and that is on tonight. If New South Wales win All of a sudden, my anxiety will be cured and for the next couple of days at least, until game two in a month's time, I will be feeling pretty good, just like after those Newcastle Knights won on the weekend as well. But unfortunately or fortunately, depending on the result. Rugby league football has a big bearing on my mental health but, in all seriousness, although it does, and that is serious. But it is very important to find things to sort of break up the working week. Like I said, that goes for anybody, whether you've got mental health concerns or not, and for me, the State of Origin game. This week it's Wednesday, today's hump day, so Wednesday night, state of Origin, it's going to be great. Of origin it's going to be great, win, lose or draw. It's great because I've needed something to take my mind off the last sort of week, week and a half.
Speaker 1:You know developments and don't get me wrong, there's not great developments. Nothing bad's happened. I haven't done anything. Well, nothing's really been done to me, although that's part of the problem. But I'm still in this holding pattern, this holding pattern waiting for something or someone, some mental health professional, to come along. Well, not really come along and say you know, here's the magic pill, because it's more about getting off the magic pills and seeing what's actually working.
Speaker 1:But it is difficult being in this holding pattern because it feels like my whole life is in this holding pattern, which it sort of is at the moment, and that isn't very good for my mood state, that's for sure. So I'm very anxious about the future because I don't feel like, at the moment, I'm in control of my future, because I'm just waiting for external forces to do their thing so then I can proceed forward. So I'm very anxious about the future at present because I don't feel like I'm in control of my own destiny, and that in itself is a very depressing thought which can then spiral into a bit of a depressive episode, which just quietly has been, you know, it's just. I can feel it on the edges of my my psyche. I can feel this depression starting to really grab and the talons are really starting to dig in, and it's because I don't have this. It feels like I don't have this ability to, you know, rip the talons out myself and go. No, I'm going to do this and I'm going to do that. It's good for my mental health. Get the hell out of my way Because unfortunately at the moment, the things that I want to do for my mental health, I need some mental health professionals to look over it for me so things don't go a bit out of control, which sometimes, when I'm left to my own devices, that can happen.
Speaker 1:But anyway, I'm rambling now. I've got football on the mind. I've got to go. It's time to get ready for the game. We're two and a half hours away from kickoff. Let's go. The mighty New South Wales Blues get a big win for Elliot, just like his red and blue Newcastle Knights did on the weekend. And very, very soon the next episode of the discharge papers will be coming out, and it's a good one. It's a big one. It's a very big one. It's a long document which is really good. It was a great, great psychiatrist that I saw up at the hospital the other night, but it's a big one as well because it has a lot of implications moving forward. So that is one not to be missed. But anyway, I've got to go. Kickoff's coming very soon. Have a good one and I'll see you next time here on the Dysregulated Podcast. Thank you.
