Good day, everybody! My name is Elliot Waters, and you're listening to The Dysregulated Podcast. As always, thank you for tuning in. If you're enjoying the show, feel free to like, subscribe, give it a great rating, and share it around with your mates. You can also follow me on Instagram @elliot.t.waters.

Today, I've got something important to get off my chest. I've just finished work, feeling a bit rattled, scrolling through social media and noticing something that's really been getting to me. It seems like everyone else my age has partners, kids, and is out enjoying life, while I'm stuck battling relentless anxiety, panic attacks, and a sense that I'm being left behind. Don't get me wrong—I genuinely feel happy for my friends, but it's a constant reminder of something I'm missing.

This ties directly into today's topic: my ongoing battle with severe generalized anxiety disorder and the medications meant to manage it. The truth is, my anxiety is getting worse, not better, despite being on numerous medications—seven or eight at the moment—and having tried over 36 different psychiatric meds across every class you can imagine: SSRIs, SNRIs, NDRIs, tricyclic antidepressants, mood stabilizers, antipsychotics, benzodiazepines, stimulants, the lot.

I'm frustrated because not only are these medications failing to manage my anxiety effectively, but the side effects are becoming increasingly worrying. For example, Clomipramine, which has helped somewhat with obsessive thoughts, is causing significant side effects like difficulty urinating and sexual dysfunction. Stimulants like Vyvanse and Dexamphetamine, while helpful for ADHD, bring intense rebound anxiety and physical symptoms like high blood pressure and tremors.

But what really scares me now are symptoms resembling tardive dyskinesia—uncontrollable facial tics, involuntary muscle movements, and strange postures like "T-Rex arms," where my wrists and hands curl awkwardly. These movement issues are noticeable, embarrassing, and potentially permanent, which terrifies me.

Given all this, I'm seriously considering a complete medication reset—going off everything to find my baseline and reassess my mental health. I know this process will be incredibly challenging. Withdrawal symptoms can be brutal; I've been through benzodiazepine withdrawal before, and it was one of the toughest experiences of my life.

My plan is to seek admission to an intermediate psychiatric facility, like the Intermediate Stay Mental Health Unit (ISMHU), where I've stayed previously. The goal would be to safely taper off medications under medical supervision, reassess my condition, and rebuild a treatment plan from scratch. However, navigating the healthcare system has been difficult. Despite my proactive approach, I'm encountering significant barriers to accessing the help I need.

Yesterday, I spoke extensively with the New South Wales Mental Health Care Line, but I felt dismissed and frustrated. I was essentially told I'd have to go to the emergency room, sit for hours, and hope a psychiatrist takes my concerns seriously enough to help. It's incredibly disheartening because I'm ready to do the hard work—I'm resilient and determined to fight for my life and mental health—but I need support from the system that prescribed all these medications in the first place.

I want this episode to serve two purposes. First, as an honest reflection of the complexities of living with severe anxiety and medication side effects. Second, as a plea to healthcare providers and policymakers: we need more accessible, compassionate, and effective mental health services.

If you're listening and struggling similarly, you're not alone. We must keep advocating for ourselves and each other, even when it's tough. I promise to keep fighting and to keep sharing my journey honestly and openly here on The Dysregulated Podcast.

Thank you for listening. Please like, subscribe, rate, and share if this resonates with you. Until next time, stay strong, everyone.